purple_dolphin9

Title: Emotions
Author: Purple Dolphin
Status: Complete
Series: No
Season/Spoilers: Season 10 Unending.
Synopsis: Vala’s POV during “the scene” In Unending.
Notes: A big thanks to Annie B for the beta.
Warnings: None
Category: POV
Pairing: Daniel/Vala
Rating: PG
Date:1/14/2008

“Unless…you really…don't find me attractive.”

I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth; I tell him that I don’t want an answer. I don’t want to hear what he really thinks of me; I would rather go on living not knowing how he sees me. I know my faults better than anyone; I don’t need anyone pointing them out to me, least of all someone I love.

I never suggested that he has serious feelings for me. I will never let him know that I have serious feelings for him. When people know you have feelings for them they then have power over you. I need to sit. No. I really need to just walk out but there is a part of me that won’t go. There is a part of me that wants to know what he really thinks of me.

I try hard not to let the tears fall, but they do anyway. I am glad that I have my back to him; he won’t know how much his words hurt me. All I wanted was to know what it felt like to be with someone I love, it didn’t matter if he loved me back. Why didn’t I just leave when he pushed me away? I had to keep pushing for a reason. I had to know why he didn’t want me.

He never considered being with me, but for a while now I have considered being with him. I really knew how I felt when Merlin was downloaded into his head and Adria took him.

Why did I not just leave? All I had to do was get up and walk out. I am sure I could have made it back to my quarters without anyone seeing me. I started chasing him at first because it was a great challenge. But things change, over time I developed feelings for him. Though I have tried very hard to keep those feelings hidden. I can’t believe that he never considered being with me.

He thinks I am an emotional, unstable wreck. I have tried hard to hide my emotions from him. How did he see through that? I said all the right things, or at least I thought I did.

He thinks that I was having a laugh at his expense? I would never do that; well, maybe I would have in the past. When we first met, sure, but as time went on and I started to have feelings for him, I got past that and meant what I was saying. I should have left when he pushed me away; it hurts too much to hear him say these things.

He thinks that I am just doing this because I am bored. I could think of a lot of ways to combat boredom, sitting here listing to what he thinks of me is not on that list.

I am not acting like I am hurt. I am hurt. I don’t want him to know that I am trying hard to cover it up; I give a little laugh as I put my shirt back on. I know he was not trying to be hurtful, but hearing what he had to say breaks my heart. I have kept everyone at a distance for a long time, never let anyone get close. I thought that maybe I could let myself feel again. I was so wrong. I want to just leave but I still cannot make myself get up and walk out.

As he comes over and sits beside me, I turn away. I don’t want him to see how badly his words hurt me. I just need a minute to collect myself and I will be fine. I don’t want him to know how I really feel. He wants me to look at him but I can’t. Finally I find the courage to look at him. I don’t want to look at him long, and I don’t want him to see the hurt in my eyes.

I turn away again and close my eyes; he touches my cheek and turns me back to face him. He looks into my eyes then surprises me by kissing me. He breaks the kiss to say, “You better not be messing with me.”

I just hope he is not messing with me. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back.

Disclaimer: This story is purely fan made for my enjoyment. Everything belongs to their rightful owners, I own nothing. I just borrow the characters for a while and return them in the same condition I got them.